The Sanctity Of Marriage

The running joke about a marriage is that how can you spend your whole life with one woman or man when you can't think of eating the same food for the rest of your life? While this line is usually used as a repartee, I can't help thinking how marriage has lost its meaning nowadays. Sometimes, I am tempted to question, what about your parents, country or faith. Do you also get tired of them as well after a time? How can someone be a lifelong football fan but not a fan of the same woman he married? Why not the same man or woman for the whole life when you have the same favorite movie or band or singer the whole life?

While each marriage is different with its own unique imprint, the basic idea is same -  the union of two separate individuals who trust each other so much that they agree to spend the rest of their lives together. But why do some marriages fall apart while others are as strong as ever?

In many ways, the growth of a marriage is like the growth of a tree. You get married, its like planting the seed. You start experiencing your married life, it is like the roots tentatively spreading out and the leaves forming, both to nourish the same plant. The marriage also needs its roots and leaves,else it is going to shrivel out and die. You hit a rough patch in your marriage. It is like the root encountering a boulder. What does the root do ? It circumvents the boulder finding an alternate route . The clouds won't block the sun forever. For a plant to thrive, the soil must be rich. Your mind is like the soil. It should be open, understanding and faithful. Most importantly, it should nurture and hold on to the relationship, like the earth does. If your mind is like a desert, a relationship cannot flourish. Even if a relationship is on the cards, it will be dry and thorny like a cactus.

Animals like gibbons,swans ,turtle doves and albatrosses mate for life. While the albatross is known for flying great distances, it will always return to the same partner for mating. Beavers are one of the best parents as they stay together for kids and both the male and female take active parts in the upbringing of their offsprings. No, I am not trying to sound pessimistic about our race. Nor I am trying to be a moral policeman. Because for every failed marriage, there is also an amazing story of a great marriage. There are many couples who inspire us with their lives. Like Gordon and Norma Yeager. Or John and Ann Bater .

This proves that inherently we are not evil. Then why marriage is like a forbidden thing to some people? Is it because they lack the notion of faithfulness? Surprisingly, when I asked many people off the record, they admitted that it is the temptation to have as many partners as possible, without any strings attached. They want to have the fun and frolic but leave the responsibilities to others.  Basically, such people expect that every relationship should be different, vigorous and energetic and they feel the only way is to not get tied to one but have multiple relationships. They believe in quantity rather than quality. This temptation then manifests into various sub-reasons. Like

• The phobia that marriage will cause you to lose your independence
• The phobia of not able to accept responsibilities
• The phobia of children
• The phobia of sharing one's life with someone else

I believe this is a mental illness. Sure we all have our share of girlfriends, heartbreaks, unsuccessful relationships. But that doesn't mean marriage is doomed to fail. Now such people who do not believe in marriage, do get married at some point due to parental or social pressure. The results are not at all good. They live their married life as a prison sentence and do away with it at the slightest pretext. This is what is destroying the beautiful institution of marriage. This mental illness stops people from believing in the fact that it just takes two people to make a relationship come alive. You can have all the fun and adventures and it will be all the more special with that special person.

Some people say marriage is a mere social formality. They don't need a piece of paper to live with someone and have a beautiful relationship. But don't the same people insist for a formal letter of employment fro their employer, salary slips, bill of purchase etc? I find this reason highly amusing and hypocritical. 

Getting married, getting divorced and remarrying is a trend followed by many celebrities. While its their personal life, the fact that they are public figures followed by millions should impart a sense of responsibility in them. If they advertise and endorse a wild lifestyle, the starstruck followers are sure to get influenced.  

Ultimately, people should realize that marriage is not a contract, it is a recognition that you love and respect the other person and willing to show your feelings to the world. Marriage is a significant life event, a promise taken by a couple to go through the ups and downs of life together. Have we become so debauched that the promises we make are just words?